im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
