They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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