I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
