Your dad touched me again.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
