I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
