Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize