There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
