Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
