was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
