You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
