Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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