I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
