he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
