Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
