I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
