It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
