She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
