You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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