god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize