He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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