I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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