I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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