There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
