fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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