Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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