Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
