I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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