Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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