Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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