The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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