i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
