Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
