come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize