i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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