I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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