maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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