I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
