69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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