My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The Olympian is in my bed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
