so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
