i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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