I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
