Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
