I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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