i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
