I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
