I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
