Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
