is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
