it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
