that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
