I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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