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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  ....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  You could paint cock rings as wreaths.

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