It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
