have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
