hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
