Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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