I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
