You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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