Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
