id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize