if you like me you must not know who I am
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
