That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
