Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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