my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
