You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
