i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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