Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
