At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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